Angela Richburg
Hangover
Not the kind you're probably thinking of, but the emotional hangover that hits after seeing your estranged child at an event or running into them unexpectedly. The feelings can pack a punch.
The anticipation of these interactions alone brings heavy anxiety and a flood of questions. Will they acknowledge me, or will I be a stranger to them? Honestly, I’m not sure which is worse—it depends on the day. How strong do I feel? How confident do I feel today? Do I walk up and say hello? Whatever you choose, the awkwardness is real. It’s uncomfortable, unnatural—sometimes even humiliating.
My best advice is to feel your way through it. ‘Through’ it is the theme. Bottling it all up and pretending everything is fine only guarantees it will explode later—and probably onto the wrong person.
1. Name your feelings. Let them be messy. It’s okay if they’re dark. How could they not be? It’s okay to not be okay. It hurts. Soul hurt.
These moments take a lot out of you. For me, I swing between anger and betrayal and sadness, carefully strategizing how to reconnect, and feeling completely soul-broken, longing for her to come back. I feel it all. Hence—the hangover.
2. Plan for it. Expect the letdown. Give yourself space to cry, rest, and be gentle with yourself. You’ll feel better in a day or two. I’ve learned it’s healthier to be authentic than to shame myself for not being made of emotional steel.
Estrangement is a roller coaster, and you can feel the intensity of those emotions without acting on them. Just pause. That pause is where your power lives. Pause, feel, reflect, and give yourself time—especially before reaching out while in a triggered state.
As you continue to grow, practice holding two truths:
-You can deeply disapprove of your adult child’s choices and still love them unconditionally.
-You can be devastated by their distance and still hope for healing.
And the hardest truth:
-You can love them with your whole heart… and still not be loved back.
You can and will get better at navigating these hard days. Anticipating them helps, so plan for the emotional hangover. Make space for tears and self-care. Identify a safe trusted person you can talk to. Carve out time to rest, recharge, and do something that lifts your spirits.
It will get better even if your relationship doesn’t change. And yes—the hangover sucks.
With love, Angela
Angela Richburg
Hi, I’m Angela, and thank you for being here. Chances are since you are here, you have experienced hurt from divorce, estrangement, or both, much like me. Divorce and estrangement, and a lifelong personal journey of growth and healing has led me to find my purpose in the pain through coaching others through these challenges. Both traumas cut me to my core. At times, the hurt and rejection felt so overwhelming, almost as though they were going to take me down completely and define my life. With help and support from safe trusted people and my faith, I learned that these traumas don’t define me; they are simply part of my story- and, ultimately, they can be used for good.